Cullination Royalty: Hammer Bros Part 1

The following is an excerpt from Landroidous146...


"HAMMER BROS.

From: Super Mario series
Remembered for: Guarding those shelves
Forgotten for: Being the most would-be real-life badass

Mario's enemies ranged from Koopa Troopers that just walked up to you, to Goombas that just walked up to you, to plants that just sort of rose out of a pipe at you. These we all remember. But what about the Hammer Bros? These suckers, not content with the usual attack of "walk up to you," would fling sodding hammers in your face just for walking past. What an unbelievable pair of winners!

Prior to this, the most famous hammer-chucker was Thor, a revered Norse god. Yet somehow the similarity between one of the most powerful deities in history--whose name inspired one of our seven days, no less--and MCs Hammer is overlooked.

When preparing defenses for your forts of the future, you can take your grumpy little mushroom things and Lakitu's lame cloud. We want an army of ticked-off turtles who'll gleefully launch mallets into the faces of our opponents!

That said, I want Cullination's take on this, and would love to see a segment with the awesome Hammer Bros! Wish you guys the best of luck and I hope you make it BIG :)

--Landroidous146--"

Thank you to Landroidous for sending in this request.  They  made a few good points.  Because of their work, we at Cullination thought is was right to give this weeks Royalty to...The Hammer Bros.

The question is though, which one?  There are six characters in the Super Mario Universe that fall into the category as a "Hammer Bro."  So we thought, why not do all of them?  

HAMMER BROS:  The original and first member into the Hammer Bros. family.  (Surprising, huh?)  These guys wear green helmets and lob a hammer at you as you try to walk by.  You know what they say, there is a reason for everything.  Regardless of their reason for throwing hammers at you, they are still meanie heads.

SLEDGE BROS: They are bigger and slower versions of Hammer Bros with squinty eyes.  So there is not much to say about them rather than saying...they are such copy cats...i mean turtles.

BOOMERANG BROS: These guys wear blue helmets.  First appeared in Super Mario Brothers 3. Unlike Sledge Bros., they tried to be different, they tried to be creative, they tried to be unique!  So instead of throwing hammers at you they throw boomerangs.  That idea will bite them back in the butt one day.  See what I did there?

FIRE BROS: These fire hazards wear a red helmet.  They first appeared in the game Super Mario Brothers 3. They are pretty self explanatory.  They shoot fire balls!  I hope you're okay with all of these surprises I'm throwing at you!

ICE BROS:  Some times, the creators of Mario characters get lazy.  They have fire bro so what's the next logical thing to do?  Create another bro that is exactly the same!  The catch?  He throws ice instead of fire.  But that is not the only difference!  His helmet is sky blue (yay?).

SUMO BROS: Finally the last bro is also the most different!  He does not wear a helmet!  We were lucky to convince him to wear the Cullination crown for the picture above!  His appearance was in Super Mario World.  What Sumo Bros do is stomp around and causes sparks to hit the ground.  What that means is..RUN AWAY!  Sparks are bad!  

Now, as I was saying before, Landroidous made a few interesting points.  For some reason people remember, the run-away toads known as Goombas, the evil turtles that are just asking to be stomped upon known as Koopa Troopas, and the Italian plumber eating piranha plants known as... piranha plants.  Why don't people remember Hammer Bros.?  Personally, I hated whenever a Hammer Bro would show up.  It was a little difficult to avoid their hammers or various other weapons and then killing them.  They were a lot more difficult than the other villains you usually came across in the Super Mario world.  This is why the Hammer Bros. family is getting a week of royalty.  

Come back on Tuesday as Hammer Bros. Cullination Royalty continues...

By: Shawn

TOMORROW, COME BACK ON CULLINATION'S BLOG TO WITNESS AN ALL NEW FEATURE.  THERE WILL BE MORE FAN INTERACTION.  WHY? BECAUSE WE CARE AND LOVE IN PUT!  WE ARE...CULLINATION!